Monday, August 27, 2012

GAY LOVE DIARIES ...


#GAYLOVE     


Why are men afraid of titles  ? what is the major issue? .. you want a good man  or do you want a side dude who is always going to be there waiting for u ?  so you don’t want a title but you  want me in  your life .. were “ Friends”  but   friends don’t have sex  friends don’t call each other  and text  like we do all day … hmmm .. so is this a  “ TEST” ..   ok so I  guess the test is to play lets pretend we are just friends  but secretly we are really in a relationship …  # Weird ! ….   Part of me likes the idea but another part of me is like why the bullshit and games ? am I not good enough ? …    well if  friends say I love  you  everynight  and  that friend is the  one u think about calling  first thing in the morning ..  then maybe        “ friends “ isn’t so bad …   Ive been so guarded and so used to operating a certain way my brain works  in BLACK OR WHITE  no GREY area  ..  it just cant be GREY its like   you  EITHER  take ME or leave it  good , bad , or in different .  I don’t ever want to be that dumb man who   thinks they have a potential  man waiting for them and in actuality  he  talking to many other men  instead of just being there for you so maybe I should explore my other options  and try and  not focus so much on the man I love ,  instead I will focus on the man I love the most which is me ..  I need him to know  that im not just waiting around for  him and  waiting on the pulse of my IPHONE  for his calls …  I need to find security in my own relationship and be confident that in myself and know that  I cant control what another man does ..  I just have to focus on myself and know that im doing the right thing and Im working on a better me and  hopefully a  UNION between  me and YOU ,  I wonder if he knows how much  I LOVE HIM and if he doesn’t know  why would he want to evan talk or be with me he must see some potential in me .

XOXO- BLACK GAY BOY LOST ..

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